Kitsuria Network
The Lounge => Ranting => Topic started by: Kiriko on May 28 2010, 05:38 AM
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Yea... I'm thinking about killing myself in a couple weeks if my life doesn't somehow magically turn around for me extremely soon, but that is all I'm giving it is 2 weeks.
I don't want to hear anyone protesting it won't do a thing, this is here to let people know in advance and give anyone who actually cares a chance to say goodbye incase worst comes to worst. I have every reason to do this, nothing is better than total suffering.
I'll keep you guys updated on the situation, maybe if I'm really lucky I can get to see a shrink and get diagnosed for whatever the hell is wrong with me + get out of the legal situation I am in now. And if I don't which is pretty likely then here is your chance to say your goodbyes.
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Rather than just "killing" yourself, just take a hike. I mean that literally.
Get some stuff together. Food, water, and warm clothes, try to avoid cotton clothes. (bring a survival book if you can get one) Toss them in a backpack and just LEAVE wherever you are. Try not to steal anything or break any laws, prison is less fun that civilization.
If you can afford it, take a bus or train or plane to the nearest "wild" area, mountains, trees, wherever you have dreamed of going. Go there! There has to be one place on this earth where you would like to be, GO THERE!
Do you have a forest nearby? Or somewhere that has more animals than humans? GO THERE! Whatever you do STAY AWAY from people, unless they want to leave civilization with you!
Live in the wild for as long as you can, then make a decision:
#1. Kill yourself, it should be easy since you are already in the wilderness. Fall off of something high or just wander around until you run out of water, you must find a natural way to die, think of something creative. You MUST NOT use a gun, as I think it "taints" or "poisons" the soul.
#2. Go back to "evil" civilization, if anyone cared about you, by now they will miss you terribly, and welcome you back easily. If no one cared, then you could go somewhere new and try to restart a civilized life. If you start feeling like suicide, LEAVE CIVILIZATION AGAIN!!! <--- I HATE CIVILIZATION TOO!
#3. Stay in the wild, become an "animal" for all intents and purposes. You don't need to be a stressed out human to live. You will probably live a short and very exciting life. If you decide to leave civilization forever, let the rest of us know the general area before you go, as some of us might want to join you!
You could start your own tribe and do whatever you want to. Sounds nice!
By the way, if you don't mind, what kind of legal situation? I am here to help and support you no matter what decision you make.
Killing yourself is not a crime, and anyone who says otherwise is an idiot. Just try to do it in the wilderness, and try to do it naturally (NO GUNS!)
Feel free to ask me anything if you have questions.
^_^
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Wow...I can't help but feel like that's some good advice. Not that I agree that you should throw yourself off a cliff. A survival guide ought to be a good idea too for the 'animal' option.
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I'm not sure what kind of problems you're going through right now, but rest assured, killing yourself just isn't the answer. There's still much to live for. Seriously.
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UPDATE: Friend dialed 911 late last night and police showed up to take me to the hospital about 10 this morning. Doctors gave me some anxiety medication and a social worker set me up with a councelor. Also the officer gave me some legal advice on dealing with my court situation too, he was really nice.
Basically I prolly won't have to kill myself after all.
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That's good to hear.
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*Phew* Some isolation in the country sounds like a good idea though...
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UPDATE: Friend dialed 911 late last night and police showed up to take me to the hospital about 10 this morning. Doctors gave me some anxiety medication and a social worker set me up with a councelor. Also the officer gave me some legal advice on dealing with my court situation too, he was really nice.
Basically I prolly won't have to kill myself after all.
Back to civilization...and with drugs...
#2. Go back to "evil" civilization, if anyone cared about you, by now they will miss you terribly, and welcome you back easily. If no one cared, then you could go somewhere new and try to restart a civilized life. If you start feeling like suicide, LEAVE CIVILIZATION AGAIN!!! <--- I HATE CIVILIZATION TOO!
Same here ^_^
it's one of the reason why i can't wait to move at mom's house
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Well, I am glad you have help. But I personally don't think drugs and psychologists are the solution, as they tend to cover up the problem rather than fix it. The root problem is that we are not meant to live in concrete houses lit by florescent light, and we are not meant to work eight hours a day at mindless jobs. It is no wonder that we need vast amounts of medication and counseling just to survive, pills are something akin to a temporary chemical lobotomy.
Counselors and "suicide prevention" call centers only care about suppressing your emotions with pills or words, and then returning you back to society as a mindless robot. You can do that if you wish to, but there are better ways.
I wish I had a magic pill to make civilization more tolerable, but I don't. I refuse to take medication, and I have gone on my little "escape to the wilderness" retreats 14 times, I usually come back a week or two later with no job (they fired me in the meantime) and a family welcoming me back to restart my life. But I always realized that the job was not really that important, and my life was worth so much more. I should have died on at least three of those "wilderness retreats" simply because I placed myself in a very real and dangerous survival situation, but those situations made me reach within myself to find a solution and to fight for my life. It made me realize how much life is actually worth.
If you go on one of these outings, you will either die, or you will become a stronger individual. If you did not have any chance of death, then you did not go far enough. Only the fear of death will cause you to grow and evolve.
Part 2: Life at work
I have since given in to a job that I have had for two years now, it pays really well, and even though I dislike working on a fundamental level, I found not working to be less fun and more painful.
The strange story about my current job:
I was jobless and I stopped cutting my hair (Never to be cut, ever again!) and let it grow out (I am a dude), and I told myself that I would not work for ANYONE who told me to cut my hair. And I will stand by that until the day I die. It is who I am, and I will not give it up for anyone, or anything. It got me a better paying job, and some instant respect for being strong and independent. It is down to my shoulders, and it does not seem to be getting any longer. You might need to find something about yourself that you are unwilling to give up for something as simple as a "job", and if you find that you need to stand by it, FOREVER. You don't have to be perfect, you just need to be you!
I have the hidden hope that someday I will be fired, and I will be free to flee to the wilderness again, but I do such a good job that I don't think that I will ever be fired. It actually makes me a better employee to not worry about being fired, simply because the stress that is caused by worry relating to the loss of the job is one of the worst things about having a job.
I am confident that if I lose my job I can either find another one, or I can be free in the wilderness. Either option removes all of the stress relating to my current job.
You are so definitely not alone, and I understand what you go through. (Although I have never taken meds, alcohol, coffee (only twice) or any other mind altering substance)
Good luck out there. And remember that the wild always welcomes new recruits.
^_^