My life as manga  (Read 3893 times)

Offline Kitsunebi

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My life as manga
« on: Jan 31 2009, 02:45 PM »
So, lets begin

I'm a spiritual agnostic attending a violently Baptist university attempting to get a creative writing degree, despite the fact that said college does not offer a major in creative writing.  Whenever I tell anybody working at the college that I'm going to transfer for this reason, they treat me like a 5-year-old, saying crap like "Well that's not really a common degree program."

Bullshit.

Everyone that's ever bothered to look up from their Bible can see that every other college EVER has a creative writing program, if not a creative writing class at the very least.  I hate everyone that's a part of this college because they treat me like dirt since I don't walk around licking a crucifix.  

I recently fell deeply, madly in love with one of my male friends that I have known for a while.  Much to my surprise, he admitted feelings for me, and we hit things off.  Sounds like a happy ending, right?  Be that as it may, happy endings do NOT exist in my life.  Three weeks into our relationship, he starts dating this girl back home.  He says that it's just a pity date, but things progress.  They start having sex, while I haven't even gotten so much as a hug from him.  Now, I'm not the jealous type.  I don't care that they're together.  I would just like some damn attention once in a while.  Two weeks ago, I told him that I couldn't wait for him to make up his mind anymore.  This is after he confides in me that he's starting smoking pot AGAIN (after his third time quitting).  Yes, I broke things off with him, but that doesn't stop me from loving him.  Last week, my best friend ever informed me that he had feelings for me.  This guy already has a boyfriend!  I'm not gonna support cheating!  So I told him that I just can't be with anyone right now.  That phrase turns out to be more true than I imagined.

Last week, I started therapy for my chronic depression, panic attacks, violent outbursts, and manic attacks.  Lo and behold, I'm given a diagnosis:  bipolar disorder.  I'm not saying I can't handle this, but it just adds another huge pile of crap on top of an already massive heap.  After I told my parents the news, they've been bothering me EVERY DAY!!  My mom wants to pull me out of college and put me into a psych ward because she's afraid that I'll act on my suicidal thoughts.  My dad is supportive, but he doesn't want me to be at college because he thinks that I've developed anorexia.  He wants to bring me home so he can shove food down my throat.  

Last weekend was my birthday which, as usual, sucked.   I fought with my dad and now he thinks that I, too, am going to kill myself.  No presents were given, no party was thrown, no cake was eaten, and no happy birthdays were thrown my way.  Not.  A.  One.  

My professors think that I'm a girl.  Normally I'm not opposed to this kind of misconception, since it generally benefits me.  Now, I don't think that I'm all that feminine.  Yes, I have a ponytail; but it's not like I have breasts or a female figure of anything.  They call me Ashley in front of the class.....Embarrassing  much?  Some guy called me "cutie" on Thursday...and another felt me up in the elevator....Does this happen to you ladies often?  I mean, I'm new to being a woman, and I don't think that this much attention is normal.  Then again, the students on this campus aren't allowed to have sex....or interact with members of the opposite sex outside of study.  That's right.  Who ever heard of a college literally banning all forms of male-female interaction?  Every dorm is gender specific.  Not only that, but even off-campus housing strictly monitors all visitors of the opposite sex.  How stupid can they be!?  

Now my ex wants to get back together with me, but he doesn't want to break up with his girlfriend.  I know that I may sound a little bitchy, but I HATE that girl!!  She's the most manipulative, conniving, mean, cruel, spiteful, lazy, self-absorbed, self-righteous person I've ever had the displeasure to meet!!  I mean, what kind of person asks to date a guy whose dad died three days earlier!?!?!  Isn't that atrocious!?  He's pretty good looking, and although that makes me like him more, it doesn't stop me from recognizing that he has his own personality that's very fun to be with.  This woman won't even let him talk around her!!  She just uses him for sex and then makes him do crap for her!!  I know I sound like I'm exaggerating, but I'm seriously not!!  She's that horrible of a person!!

I'm bi, so I have nothing against either sex, but I really wish that guys and girls didn't hit on me because of the way I look!  All of the girls at the English major tea parties that I have to attend stare at me like I'm some sort of Adonis.  All the gay guys on campus cozy up to me because I'm more masculine than them (which isn't saying a lot).  If you want to make someone like me like you, effing TALK to me!  Don't put your hand on my hips and try to kiss me in the basement of the English building!!  I'm not eye-candy!!  Honestly, I don't know why these people are attracted to me!! I'm not all that handsome as a man or that pretty as a girl!!  

So there it is:  My life as manga.  This is totally Ranma-esque, isn't it?
« Last Edit: Jan 31 2009, 02:48 PM by Kitsunebi »

Offline Roland Voidheart

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My life as manga
« Reply #1 on: Jan 31 2009, 03:51 PM »
Wow...
Home
Returning from somewhere, to someplace safe
And for once as you watch the color of the sunset as it paints the walls
And you are not living in a memory; you are vital and alive, you are at peace; you are godlike
And you are safe, and that moment will last in a place in your mind
And there is no pain, and you forget what it feels like
And you can see, how it could be
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
╔═╦╗╔╦╦╦╦╦╦═╦═╗
║═╣║║║╔╣╔╣║═╣╚╣
║╔╣╚╝║║║║║║═╬╗║
╚╝╚══╩╝╚╝╚╩═╩═╝

Offline Sylver

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My life as manga
« Reply #2 on: Feb 01 2009, 12:07 AM »
Somebody should draw that in a generic anime style (and yes, I know anime and manga are different, but the styles are similar usually).

Offline Yerix

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My life as manga
« Reply #3 on: Feb 01 2009, 04:27 PM »
Quote
Somebody should draw that in a generic anime style (and yes, I know anime and manga are different, but the styles are similar usually).

only difference is that one is moving pictures on a TV screen and another is still images in a book

but yes someone should make that into an online manga or something if they wanted to
URANAIDETYU


Spoiler: show
I hate more than just your guts, faggot. I hate your mind,
your body, and your soul. Your existance on this shithole of
a planet is meaningless. So it's best for you to commit suicide
right now, the sooner, the faster you can get out of this
gigantic shithole.




Offline Kitsunebi

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My life as manga
« Reply #4 on: Feb 03 2009, 03:55 PM »
UPDATE:  My two best friends here at college just broke of their relationship, leaving me stuck in the middle.  Don't you guys love it when that happens?

I've been referred to a psychiatrist, who'll most likely put me on meds to control my BD.  I've never taken meds before in my life.....and I'm not too happy at the idea of needing to.  

I'll be back with more updates on my crazy world soon!

Offline Kitsunebi

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My life as manga
« Reply #5 on: Feb 09 2009, 05:25 PM »
FUN FUN FUN!

I've officially started therapy with my first session today!  The psychologist was.....a little overwhelmed.  Apparently he's used to little B***** girls that are concerned because Michelle and Jennifer aren't friends anymore.  He just stared at me the whole time while I explained my past.  He thought we would cover it all in one session....HA!  It's gonna be at least two, and some will probably still leak over into the third session.  I dunno if therapy is gonna help at all, so let's wait and see if my psychiatrist has anything to say!

All of a sudden one of my friends here at college comes out of the woodwork and it turns out that she's bipolar too!  Why don't people talk about that?  I mean, I've told everyone of importance to me already.  I'm not upset, and I don't see her differently, but I kinda feel like she hid it from me wrongfully....I dunno...

Tune in Friday to hear about my psychiatrist trip!!

Offline Roland Voidheart

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My life as manga
« Reply #6 on: Feb 09 2009, 05:46 PM »
I had to go to a therapist, too, a long while back (like, over a year ago, maybe two), and that helped a bit. They even put me on medication, which kind of helped a little, too, but it made me all shakey, sometimes. I haven't used either thing in a long, long time, and I think that's just fine.
Home
Returning from somewhere, to someplace safe
And for once as you watch the color of the sunset as it paints the walls
And you are not living in a memory; you are vital and alive, you are at peace; you are godlike
And you are safe, and that moment will last in a place in your mind
And there is no pain, and you forget what it feels like
And you can see, how it could be
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
╔═╦╗╔╦╦╦╦╦╦═╦═╗
║═╣║║║╔╣╔╣║═╣╚╣
║╔╣╚╝║║║║║║═╬╗║
╚╝╚══╩╝╚╝╚╩═╩═╝

Offline Kitsunebi

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My life as manga
« Reply #7 on: Mar 30 2009, 03:47 AM »
Hey hey pimps and hos!  Who's ready for another exciting update on my fantabulous life??

I know it's been a while, but I haven't had a computer for a few weeks.  The motherboard and processor fried and had to be completely replaced.  I'm stating in the middle...lemme do this right

So, I saw the psychiatrist last Thursday.  Not surprisingly, he put me on meds.  I'm starting them in a matter of hours, and to be honest, I'm kind of afraid of how they'll affect me.  I mean, I don't wanna stay flying from high to low in a matter of days, but neither do I want to become a robot....I hope they wor out okay....

So I broke things off for good with my friend, and he wouldn't talk to me for weeks.  Turns out he wasn't talking to anyone except his girlfriend.  Excellent... >=]  I know what happens when a bad couple spends too much time together, and sure enough, they're falling apart.  He finally called me on Friday to beg me to hang out with him again and strongly STRONGLY hint that he wanted me back bad.  What's a girl to do?  I mean, I still love him, and I always had, but he still hasn't broken up with her and he still won't openly admit that he wants us to be together again.  I know I can take the pain again if this doesn't work out, but do I want to?  Is it better to have loved and lost or never to have loved at all.  I finally got up the courage to tell him about me being bipolar, and he sounded really understanding, but I don't want that to turn into some kind of pity-date thing.  Yes it's a disability, but I'm still pretty functional.  I'm so afraid that he won't really be able to get over his fear of being close with a guy.  He always wants me to sleep with him when we're alone, but he's so distant when we're in a group setting....*sigh*  I guess I'll have to wait until Friday when I see him...

As I said, my computer has been broken, which sucked.  On top of that suckage, my dad got fired beginning of March, when it happened.  We didn't have any money to pay to fix it, and I spent my entire spring break (this college puts it a weel ahead of the official spring break of real colleges to prevent the students from having any fun during our break) cheering up my dad and trying to make him see the brighter side.  He hated that job, but he never would have quit.  He started working at a hospital in a nearby town as upper-level management and he's never been happier.  He doubled our family's income and gets to actually think.  Good spring break, right?  Wrong.

The whole time, I had to keep myself distracted from the fact that my ex was a 5-minute walk away but he refused to talk to me.  Can you imagine how that feels?  To be so close to the man you love more than anything and still being totally unable to even see him?  To dream about his velvet voice and soft, warm breath on you neck while you drift off to sleep, feeling total ecstacy?  To long for his sweet smell to once more haunt your pillow the next day?  Call me a bitch, call me obsessed, call me creepy, call me a fool, but I don't just love his button nose or bad jokes or lecherous smile paired with eyes squinted in laughter.  I love everything about him.  He's a spoiled, socially awkward, drugged up little rich kid, but when he calls me baked to ask me why I'm not in Hell with him, my heart races and my eyes glow.  When he begs me to let him stay over until he sobers up I relish the idea of being able to provide for him and care for him.  To feel all that and know that despite it he would close the door in your face if you went to him....

Enough about that romantic twaddle....

Let me dish on my older brother.

He's graduating from college in May and despite the fact that he *says* that he wants to go to grad school, he only applied for one extremely selective college.  When I told him that I knew he was lying about grad school and that he wanted to teach, he completely denied it!!  I mean come ON!  A 5-year-old could see through that.  He got all catty with me and decided to make a crack about me "just being p***y because I'm bipolar."  Back the hell up!!  Just because I'm bipolar doesn't mean that I can't get upset for a legitimate reason!!  So now we're not talking...  On the subject of my younger brother, he's been equally annoying.  Whenever he calls, texts, IMs, etc, it's just to start a depression fight with me wherein he complains about how he got a B in school.  Seriously, don't start a "who's-life-sucks-more" fight with a guy in therapy.  Now he just complains about how he can't find anyone to love him because he's fat (not fat, just a big guy) and how he doesn't even care anymore because his suffering will make him a better musician.  How f**king emo can you get?  The kid is super popular, gets great grades, plays in every honor orchestra around, and still has time to pursue an active and extensive social life.  Ye gods that infuriates me!  

Two of my best friends at college are just ignoring me now.  I find it suspicious that only days after my diagnosis, they suddenly become exceedingly busy studying and doing homework for classes.  Furthermore, I find it interesting that my other contacts in those very same classes have enormous amounts of free time and claim to "never have anything to do for class."  Now, I'm no super-sleuth, but I'm beginning to see a connection.  

Before you go thinking I'm all emo and depressed, look upon this:  My crappy Celeron processor and 10-year-old motherboard frying allowed me to upgrade to a brand new quad core processor and a motherboard with more attachments than a Swiss army knife.

Seriously you guys, this is my crazy life....
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