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Samui: cool Apr 18 2020, 01:04 PM

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Author Topic: Book i'm working on  (Read 3699 times)

Ashoova Celest

Book i'm working on
« on: May 26 2008, 02:07 PM »
The Trials of Esmellentra


One
A bird chirped in the background. Smiling the young woman continued to walk through the forest though her ear twitched at the noise. Lifting her head high she sniffed the air, breathing in the cool spring air as well as the scents of the forest. Sighing contently she looked up to the sun. Seeing it high in the sky she decided it was time to head back home to her loving family.
The whip cracked harshly right next to her ear. She jumped snapping painfully back to reality. The slaver yelled something she didn’t understand so she didn’t move. A pricing pain ripped through her back as the whip opened yet another wound. The slaver shouted at her again. She still didn’t understand him but followed the others example and moved. The chains on the ankles and neck clinked as she walked off the boat and on to the dock. She was chained to two other Women who were holding each other close shivering with fright. Sighing she tugged on the chain that connected them and motioned for them to follow her. She would have liked to reassure them but she knew exactly what was in store for them and there was nothing reassuring about it.
The whips cracked again as they were herded like sheep in to a pen. Unchaining them the slaver smiled at Esmellentra and ran a finger along her chin. Growling she snapped at the figure missing by only a hair. Laughing wickedly the slaver took his whip and brought it once again down across her back. This time the pain from the blow dropped her to her knees. Arching her back in pain she cried out tears coming to her eyes. This seemed to satisfy the cruel slaver and he decided to move on leaving her in a bloody heap of pain.
She lay there for quite some time tears streaming down her face both from the pain of the whip and the loss of her family. She remembered that horrid day as clear as day…
The day started just like every other one. Esmellentra had gone off on her daily mid day walk. On her way back though the woods her keen nose caught the smell of something burning. She rushed home only to find her castle in flames and the village destroyed.
Breaking the burning door down with a kick she searched the still burning castle for her family. To her dismay she found the body of both her mother and her father. Tears coming to her eyes she fell to her knees in sorrow. She was so engrossed in her own pity she never even heard the three men sneaking up on her until it was too late. She felt a sharp pain on the back of her head then blackness.
Awaking a few hours later she found herself chained to other women and on a barge headed to an unknown place with men standing over her smiling evilly. The men spoke but she did not know the tongue in which they addressed her. But apparently one of the other men found it funny and laughed loudly. She could tell that these were the men that had destroyed her village, her home, and her family. What she didn’t know is what they would do with her next.
Her memory stopped there and she pulled herself to a sitting position inside of the cage. Drawing her knees up to her chest she sat there waiting for food. She let out a deep and heavy sigh, the tears returning to her eyes. She slipped back in to regression trying to remember all the good times and block out the horrid situation she was in. Curling up tightly she lay there weeping and alone. The young wolf girl once leader of a kingdom now reduced to lower then nothing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Bid Starts at 10 gold pieces!” shouted the Slaver. The chains were heavy and the shackles bit deep in to her sore wrists. She tried to lift her hands to rub her sore neck but they were chained to her feet. Sighing her ears fell and she looked down at the floor. “Last chance for bidding!” He yelled again. “10 gold for this pretty young Roo. Any takers? No? Bid rejected! Get her out of here!” The chain around her neck tightened and she was lead off back toward the cage. However this was not the same cage she had been placed in before. But she had been there so long she couldn’t really tell any more. Never the less this cage was not like the solitary confinement that she was used to. This cage had another person in it. She looked mangy and like she had just recently been taken off the slave boat. She appeared to be a wolf but was curled up so tightly she couldn’t tell.
“Get in there!” he shouted at her. “You have a new cell mate today. Hehehe. Make nice now I don’t want to see any trouble. This one is worth quite a bit. 200 Gold pieces if I’m not mistaken.” She was shoved in to the cage. “200 gold pieces?!” she thought to her self. “She must be royalty or something special to be worth that much.” She sighed and leaned against one of the bars. Then her ears perked up. From the ball of the canine girl on the floor she heard a feint sound. She was crying. “Oh yea this girl is defiantly new.” She moved over slowly and put an arm around the small wolf. “Hey now it’s ok…Don’t cry. Shhhh…Everything will be all right.” She cooed to the girl as she softly stroked her fur. The girl looked up at her with big wet eyes and hugged her tightly, sobbing in to Carols’ pouch. Carol gently stroked the young girl's head still cooing to her. “Shhhh….It’s ok, it’s ok….”
“Miastra Monel….Miastra Monel…” the girl said through her tears in a foreign language. “Must mean ‘I miss My Mom’ or something like that.” Carol thought. Then smiling she pulled the small girl up and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “It’s ok little one Big sister is here to help you now. And she won’t let any thing bad happen to you.” The girl blinked and then hugged her again. “S-S-Sister…” she stuttered out as she hugged her. Carol smiled and hugged her back. “That’s right little one…Do you have a name?” she asked. The girl looked up at her and cocked her head to the side puzzled. Smiling Carol pointed to her self and said, "Carol." She repeated the action then looked at the girl. Smiling the girl pointed at her and said "C-Carol…Carol S-Sister" Carol smiled and nodded, "Yes I'm Carol. But who are you?" The girl nodded, “Esmellentra.” She said pointing at herself. “Esmellentra” she said again. Carol smiled “Esmellentra is it? Well that’s quite a mouthful I’ll just call you Emmy is that ok?” the little girl nodded and snuggled with her new found sister.


A hooded man stepped off the boat and on to the dock. He was tall maybe around six feet five inches in height. Pulling his hood farther over his face he continued inside. Upon entering his eyes gazed at the lavish décor of the place. The main pens were made out of strong ebony to prevent any escape and had dark red curtains strung across them. His eyes flicked to the center of the room where a large buffet was displayed as well a golden fountain. The fountain was sculpted to look like a slaver with her foot placed atop a bent over slave. The slaver held in her hands a coiled up whip. Water was streaming out of the slaves mouth as well as the handle of the slaver's whip. The whole fixture was roughly twenty feet high. Nodding at the sculpture he continued in to the grand hall way his sharp claws clicking on the stone floor and made his way to a cushioned seat near one of the pens. With a bored gaze he surveyed the slaves in the pen before leaning back in his seat to wait for the one that had invited him here.
Before long a woman came to address him. The woman was very skinny and seemed to be a fox. "My Mistress seeks you company great sir." She said bowing to him, "This way please." She gestured to a long hallway of to the side. The man stood and followed her. The woman led him through a marble arch way and stopped bowing again. "This is as far as I am aloud to go sir please proceed up the stairs to the left thank you." She kept her head bowed as he past. Once he had passed she slipped back into the shadows of the dark hallway.
Proceeding as she had instructed he walked up the long twisting staircase until he arrived at a large double door. He knocked on the door and waited for an answer. One of the sides opened and a squirrel stood there in a maid's uniform smiling at him "Ah. It is good to see you master razor claw. Please wait in the study while I announce you presence to the mistress. She is freshening up now and will be with you shortly." The squirrel led him to a room with bookshelves lining the walls and offered him a seat on the couch. "If you need anything please pull the chord here and I will be right in." she smiled and bowed as she exited closing the door softly behind her.
The room was very cozy and ad a feint smell of cigar smoke to it. It was dimly lit which added to its soothing atmosphere. The man relaxed on the couch leaning back against the soft red velvet cushions and rested his hands behind his back. Noticing a book laying on the table in front of him he casually picked it up to examine it. The Skrawl and the Secrets of Their Conquest was the title of the book and it looked as if it had been read more then a few times. Smiling he casually opened the first page and began to read. He had not gotten but a few pages into it when the door opened again. It was the same squirrel from before. "Mistress Heather is ready for you now sir if you would follow me I shall take you to her." He placed the book back on the table and exited the room with her.
He was lead in to a large common room furnished with expensive couches, chairs, and even a feinting couch arranged in a circle so the occupants could talk. However, upon entering he did notice something a bit out of the ordinary. There was a straw cot in one corner right next to the desk, but he did not dwell on that fact. A woman wearing a lovely red dress stood as he entered and greeted him. "Hello Skal it's so good to see you again." She moved over and gave him a hug. "Thank you Cherie." She said to the squirrel maid, "Now would you fetch us a bottle of wine? Red sounds good to me what do you think Skal?" she said to him but did not wait for an answer. "Yes red if you would Cherie that's a dear. Come Skal we have much to discuss." She leads him to the chair across from her smiling. Cherie scurried out of the room to fetch the wine. "Hehe good old Heather." Skal thought to himself, "She always was the controlling one." He sat and smiled at her. "So heather, what's so important that you bring me all the way to you house. Lovely decorations by the way, you'v e really out done your self." He pulled back his hood revealing his scaly face. He was a raptor and one of the last of his kind. Heather's face now turned serious. "It's about them Skal. I fear we are all in grave danger."
*************************************************************
Two
Esmellentra awoke in her new found sisters arms. Rubbing her eyes shgot up and streached. The floor was cold and damp and her sleep had been restless but it was moderately replenishing never the less. As she looked around she realized that their cage was not the only one. On each side there were what looked like animal pens on horse stables each housing to or three slaves each and were sectioned off. Each pen was no more then 50 square feet each and had a walk way in between each section.
Her sharp ears heard some one coming down the corridor. Suspecting it to be a slaver, she quickly lay back down on the floor and pretended to be asleep.

Offline ReiTsukikage

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« Reply #1 on: May 26 2008, 04:23 PM »
good story over all but you chapters need more "meat" in them as they are kinda short and have minimal dialogue.

imho if you were to go back through and go a little more in depth  into the story you might just end up with a  great piece of work. btw your writing reminds me of brian jaques  minus the raptor =D
Can you catch me?  chase me through the moon lit shadows. to catch me is to find insanity, to embrace me is to embrace destruction.[/color]

<img src="http://www.dewmocracy.com/assets/poster_SuperNova.jpg" border="0" alt="Vote for SuperNova" />

yeah yeah yeah. vote for supernova, cause it's like... good stuff

 
  <img src="http://www.yamasa.org/acjs/images/arch-col.jpg"

Ashoova Celest

Book i'm working on
« Reply #2 on: May 26 2008, 09:04 PM »
I loved his work and that's why I chose that style. He's my idol.

Offline Kentenko saiyan warrior

  • Saiyan Fighter and Writer
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Book i'm working on
« Reply #3 on: May 26 2008, 09:51 PM »
While it isn't a bad thing to idolise someone it isn't a good thing to take their writing style... It's better to create your own style... that however is pretty hard to do especially if your just beginning to write. A good place to learn how to write is fanfiction.net or fictionpress.com. Fanfiction is where you right stories about certain things that already exist like a book, or a movie. Fictionpress however is entirely your original work so if you want more people to read it and are willing to take criticism ficitonpress.com is your gateway...
Free your spirit! Find your place!


Ashoova Celest

Book i'm working on
« Reply #4 on: May 26 2008, 10:08 PM »
I'm not sealing his writing style. Besides where his books are more for the younger audiance mine is definatly for the adult crowd. it's entirely original. I just like the animal personage that he used. thats all.

Offline ReiTsukikage

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« Reply #5 on: May 27 2008, 03:37 AM »
you and i have to much in common, which is weird and all i have to say to that is, lol. luckily i don't know any thing else about ya, you're prolly way to young for me to even consider dating and.. more then likely my overall personality is  reverse of yours..*crosses finger legs and tails*.. and i bet most importantly you're a mustang fan. cause i'm not XD
Can you catch me?  chase me through the moon lit shadows. to catch me is to find insanity, to embrace me is to embrace destruction.[/color]

<img src="http://www.dewmocracy.com/assets/poster_SuperNova.jpg" border="0" alt="Vote for SuperNova" />

yeah yeah yeah. vote for supernova, cause it's like... good stuff

 
  <img src="http://www.yamasa.org/acjs/images/arch-col.jpg"